How to be friends.

It's more of a question rather than a statement, I should say. Well the thing about ending meaningful relationships with the person you probably still love and probably were so close and comfortable with is that it's not going to be easy to be friends. Sure it's an option, one most people might opt for, but to actually achieve it is an entirely different story. Wishful thinking tells us that we can break up calmly and mutually, give each other hugs afterwards, then hang out all the time as friends do. I was told that remaining friends allows both people to grow individually without being distressed about all the commitments of being in a relationship.

And what is this nonsense about taking breaks? Why do many people support the idea and why are many more against it? Oh because being on a break is risky and anything that happens during said break may threaten the continuance of the relationship at stake. Duh. But if two people truly love each other and want to be together, a break may be beneficial. It can help by giving each person space to evaluate everything about the relationship and think about why it means so much. It's not a time to meet new love interests or hurt the person you're originally with. But if the break is spent unwisely, the outcome could be tragic and may ultimately hurt your relationship.

Unless I'm wrong. Because what if you both aren't on the same page about taking a break? What if only one of you thinks it's a good idea while the other firmly believes that it will do no good? What does this discrepancy imply...?

Heart Problems, Mind Problems

The heart and mind are two separate entities. A lot of times they overlap and that's when distinguishing the two gets difficult. You can know exactly what you deserve, but maybe your feelings decide to argue against what you know. Your biggest setback to reaching personal goals could be that your heart and mind are in two different places at the same time. They aren't aligned when they need to be. We usually associate feelings with the heart. Because normally they get comfortable and decide to make a home in there. Beliefs and thoughts about what you want and what you deserve only exist in your mind. And oftentimes how you feel about one thing and what you think about that same thing are at war with one another. Feelings are hard to come by and they're just as hard to get rid of. Maybe even harder. So even though you know the facts of a situation and know that there needs to be a change, sometimes it doesn't happen because of the feelings that stand in the way. You're human. Having any sort of emotion is what includes you in the normalcy of the human population. You can become a leech and feed on your feelings even when your mind tells you it is best to stop. But actually stopping?

Choosing to lose

Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date? Though I've contemplated the right response to this endlessly, piecing several possible answers together yet never being able to find the exact one, I finally came to the realization while watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower that I was on the right track to finding the answer. The reason nice, good-hearted people choose to be with those who portray what seems like the stereotypical "wrong" person is that "we accept the love we think we deserve."

I have never been more certain about any kind of answer I've been given than I am with this one. It is true, for if we didn't think we deserved to be given less than what we really deserve, we wouldn't continue to make the choice to be with people who are giving us less than what we deserve. It's simple really.
So for those men out there who wonder why women always wonder where all the nice guys are, you don't have to sweat it. Women who choose to date the wrong kinds of guys will always wonder where all the nice guys are, and they're completely aware that they can be happier. But they're the only ones who can really do anything about changing their situation because if you're thinking of changing their mind about what they believe they deserve, this is truly a case of much "easier said than done". You can go on believing that nice guys finish last if you're one of those nice guys but be thankful that you know what you deserve. Keep in mind that we tend to stick around longer when we are aware that we have invested more of ourselves into the relationship.