When are feelings ever easy?

Never. They are always uneasy. Negative feelings, that is. If you've ever contemplated the kinds of feelings which are "easy," you'll most likely only conjure up moments when you were having a good time with someone you are happy to be around, naturally.

Uneasy feelings come like recurring nightmares. They consume my social life the way a famished snake ruthlessly swallows a rabbit in its entirety—sigh, life is just laughing at me. I can hear it. There is just something wrong with the idea of a wrongful act. The thought alone may eat at your morals, where post-wrongful-act-committing leaves you obsessing for days over how terrible you felt. You feel your morals slowly deteriorating.. and you wonder where your virtues wandered off to. Of course, the act would be deemed wrong only in terms of your judgment of what is right and what is wrong. Wrong is only a perception—nothing is ever really wrong unless put into context where something else can be considered right, but we'll not delve into that. By societal standards pain and anger are wrong feelings to experience and harbor, because as long as we aren't happy or feeling good, it's wrong. Furthermore, if your actions directly had a less-than-beneficial impact on another person, it's wrong. At times I'd wished I was a robot. Robots feel intrinsically nothing. They can't distinguish right from wrong. They have no emotions. I wish I could feel no emotions. But I am not a robot.

In the long run, people judge right from wrong based on their own premises of what's good and what's not, but then again their own premises are derived from what society has already decided to be socially acceptable or unacceptable. Humanity may be the savior and death of us all.

One tendency of mine is that I over-ruminate, si possible. If you're anything like me, you overlook situations and contemplate the symptoms of your distress but instead of merely contemplating, you go above and beyond that by focusing on the negative and not seeming to let anything go. In order to let go of such overwhelming guilt or regret, you would need to come to terms with the way everything in your life has turned out. Good or bad, you will never be able to move forward properly (again, proper only in terms of how society defines what is proper and what isn't), unless you accept that what's happened has happened.